Week Three: Block Party

Two weeks down, two women gone.

The “Block Party” amuse bouche consists of scenes of the chefs back in their Chicago pad. As the twins (Andrew and Spike) clown around, I assume annoying anyone who isn’t either Andrew or Spike, the rest of the chefs rise to face yet another challenge. Stephanie laments the loss of Valerie, hoping that at least one of the women will make it to the finale. There is little talk about a woman actually winning – just making it to the finale seems to be the goal. I see no connection to any other current event.

Quickfire!

The guest judge is Chicago chef and “culinary star” Rick Bayless, white cooker of The Mexican Food – ahem, fine dining Mexican cuisine, that is. Bayless, who is apparently a distant relative of Don Knotts, will judge the cheftestants’ ability to create a “high end” taco. This sounds easy enough, but of course many of the chefs (most notably Erik and Spike) find reason to bitch. Tacos are “street food” and not fine dining. Did these two watch the past seasons? We’ve seen chefs make high quality food out of ingredients purchased at a gas station. Show some creativity, dipshit.

He’s not crazy about Erik, Lisa or Ryan… we’ve got out bottom three. Andrew and Richard have no problem with creating great tacos, and the they (along with Spike and his boring pork taco) comprise Bayless’ top picks. Andrew does a duck breast taco with plantain jam and cotija cheese…Bayless loves it. Richard forgoes the traditional tortilla, instead using shaved pieces of jicama – innovative! His filling is avocado, papaya and cilantro stems – mmmmmmm. Andrew is sure he’s about to win, and I love to root against him. Yea! Or wait, Boo! In the end, Richard is the standout and secures himself immunity for the next round. Top Taco! Richard’s creation will even be featured on the menu of Chicago’s Topolobampo. That is no trip to Cannes, but it’s not bad.

Elimination Challenge!

The chefs divide themselves into two teams (have we ever seen voluntary division before?) and load into vans to be driven to an as yet undisclosed location. Before long they arrive at a residential neighborhood, where Padma informs them they will be cooking for the neighborhood’s annual block party. I didn’t know neighborhoods still had block parties – is this a Chicago thing? I like it. So, they’ll be cooking for approximately seventy adults and forty children… but they won’t be shopping for them – they’ll be shopping from them.

The chefs must go door-to-door and pilfer ingredients from the kitchens and pantries of the folks they’re about to cook for. I guess it isn’t a huge surprise to the neighborhood (especially to those residents who already had camera crews in their homes to get that ‘opening the door’ shot), and the overall task is pretty bland. I hope they were reimbursed for what was taken, though, as one woman with a pantry the size of my bedroom even handed over bottles of wine. That would have to be a pretty big contribution for a block party, I’m just saying. Maybe the TC producers stocked them up before hand with the agreement that they’d get to keep whatever the chefs didn’t take. I’d take that sweet deal.

So, back to the planning. Team Blue, consisting of Richard (con immunity), Manuel, Stephanie, Mark, Lisa and Antonia and Nikki, decides to go ‘upscale,’ doing something other than just hamburgers and hot dogs. Cut to Team Red (Andrew, Spike, Erik, Dale, Ryan, Zoi and Jennifer), who are planning their menu of hamburgers and hot dogs.

Next morning – day of the challenge. They’ve got three hours to get their menu done, and from there it must be transported back to the neighborhood for the par-tay. Team Blue has decided to go for a paella, slaw, BBQ pulled pork, bean salad, fruit cobbler, mac and cheese, an inside out cookie and a “sexy drink.” What makes it sexy? Lavender. Nikki is using velveeta for the mac and cheese… was this a requirement? Dave from season one would cry – we all know that man could serve up some mac and cheese! And seriously, one of those houses had to have something other than a “cheese food.”

Things are a bit cocky over on Team Red, even though their menu consists of sliders (tiny hamburgers), corn dogs, pork skewers, sangria, waldorf salad, pasta salad, taco salad and s’mores. Erik’s corn dogs actually look really good, but he’s still got to transport something that’s been deep fried before actually serving it. That might not go well. Zoi isn’t happy about having to make pasta salad, and whines about it. She “feels a little bit like [she] should have said something,” but, of course, she didn’t. Boo-freaking-hoo.

Cut to the block party. We’ve got chalk drawings, games, rides and hungry folks waiting for food as soon as the chefs arrive to unload. I want to live on this block! Erik’s corn dogs are soggy, but not so bad that he feels they are unfit to be served. Nikki’s mac and cheese hasn’t done well on the commute either, and has “totally dried out.” She tries to save it with butter and cream, but it’s not looking good. Hmm… lots of attention on the corn dogs and mac & cheese – I’d call a bottom team if they weren’t on separate ones.

Well, Bayless is back to guest judge along with Padma, Tom and Ted Allen – Nikki’s got bacon on top of her mac & cheese, so Ted should be content. He also gets really excited about sausage, so I guess breakfast foods are great all around in his book. Dale really took his pork skewers to the next level – they look great. I just ate, but I could go for some of that. Anyway, his pork tenderloin has been done with pineapple and smoked red curry BBQ sauce. Both Padma and Ted sound impressed. The cocky streak of Team Red hasn’t ended, and Spike/Andrew has all but called their win. They’re off to drink beer and play games with the neighbors. Maybe Erik is off the hook!

Let’s check with the middle-Americans! Hey, they’re just like me! They’ve got positive things to say about both teams, but weren’t crazy about Richard’s paella. Uh-oh… they also thought Erik’s corn dogs were too soft. He’s getting way too much attention this time around. That’s never good.

Back to judging… Tom isn’t impressed with anyone. Team Blue is summoned first, and it’s noted that the mac & cheese had “formed a brick” and that the paella wasn’t really a paella, but more of a rice pilaf. Still, the flavors was fine. Stephanie notes that she “conceptualized the dessert” and helped with the drink. She’s declared the winner, and that’s two wins in three episodes. Not bad Stephanie! Still, Tom cautions them that he expected much more. Send out Team Blue.

Not a soul on Team Blue is happy for Stephanie in her win, though a few through half-hearted ‘congratulations’ her way on their way into judging. Ryan has no idea why they’re there, and Andrew “thought we kicked their ass.” Padma – “You didnt.’ Nuff said. Erik explains that the transport time was the problem with his corn dogs, but Ted Allen points out that they knew that was part of the challenge.

Spike jumps in, saying that the four judges have much more sensitive palates than those of the residents in the neighborhood, and that they’d “cooked for the neighborhood.” Bad idea, plus I’m kinda insulted. Oh, who am I kidding, I like Taco Bell. Zoi again whines about having to make the pasta salad, and Erik admirably points out that she hadn’t wanted to be stuck with that dish.

Again, Spike jams his foot in his mouth and warns the judges that they’ll have to pull him out with security guards should they choose him for elimination – “this is my house.” I’d kick his ass out just for being a douche, but it’s not my call to make. There is actually no (televised) reaction to his outburst, and the whole team is sent back so the judges can deliberate. It is decided that the weakest dishes are Ryan’s soggy Waldorf salad and Eric’s corn dogs. Ted thinks they looked “absolutely amazing,” but by serve time it just didn’t hold up. Zoi’s pasta dish is deemed “terrible,” and the judges think pasta salad from the grocery store would have been better. She’s still angry at herself for not speaking up (which, apparently she had at least done to Erik).

Oh well, a decision has been made, and even though Erik failed at a comparatively challenging dish – not a soggy salad – it is his time to go.

Boo. Come cook for me, Erik.