Four weeks down, and four contestants gone. Let’s get ready to make that five.
As usual, we begin with scenes from the Top Chef house. Antonia and Zoi are still pissed that they were in the bottom six last week. Ryan, who is turning out to be nothing but filler, notes that we’ve lost two women and two men so far, and he’s ready for someone else to go. I’m still ready for Ryan to go, but whatever.
Quickfire!
The guest judge this week is Ming Tsai, chef and owner of the Blue Ginger restaurant in Boston. There is no great connection between Chef Tsai and the challenge, and he’s actually pretty irrelevant throughout the episode.
Turns out this is the taste test episode, so there is no cooking involved in the quickfire. There is, however, a twist this season – instead of being asked to simply identify ingredients by taste, the cheftestants are blindfolded and challenged to taste two different offerings of the same basic ingredient. They then must figure out which is of greater quality. We get no basis for quality save for the price – for example, the two cheddar samples are billed at $2.99 per pound and $18.99 per pound. I think this is one challenge I could actually rock.
Now it’s time for the humiliation – which chef can’t distinguish the great (expensive) ingredients from the mediocre? Surprisingly, Stephanie, who has won two out of the four elimination challenges thus far, is on the bottom with only six out of fifteen correct. Damn, not even half – sucks to be Stephanie just then. Antonia, who was quite meticulous in her testing – using different fingers and making sure to “swish” with water in between every time – scored an impressive twelve out of fifteen and secures herself a position in week six.
Elimination Challenge!
Meals on Wheels apparently hosts an annual Celebrity Chef Ball, and guess who will be serving up the first course? Our cheftestants will be divided into four teams, and each must prepare their opening course by creating a dish around one of the four elements – earth, water, wind and fire. No self selection this time around, and the chefs resort to drawing knives to determine their team. My condolences to whoever end up with Spike. I can’t wait until he PACKS HIS KNIVES AND GOES.
Padma lets the chefs know that they have only fifteen minutes to plan their menu – dang! I can spend fifteen minutes standing in front of the refrigerator and get nowhere. Poor chefs.
Richard, Andrew and Mark comprise Team Water, arguably the easiest menu to plan. They of course decide to go with fish.
Jennifer, Nikki and Ryan pull the short knife and have to plan a men around air. What? They’re leaning towards some sort of bird dish, which makes sense.
Spike, Zoi and Immunity Laden Antonia are Team Earth, which (of course) Spike bitches about. We know he hates working with the person who has immunity since, should that team put out the worst dish, increases his chances of being the one sent packing. I’m loving it. Spike wants to make butternut squash soup, but Antonia is “really like against it.” She looks down on the soup, and reminds Spike and Zoi that the Quickfire was all about quality, so maybe a squash soup isn’t the way to go (which I’m not sure about, I remember a certain mushroom soup saving a certain sourpuss in the past – hello Elia Aboumrad!). While Antonia does stick to her guns, it’s important (you’ll see why later) to note that she DOES say “if you two are totally into soup, I will make a fucking good soup with you.” Got that? Good.
Dale, Lisa and Stephanie are Team Fire, and they have arguably the most creative ideas – Dale suggests a deviled egg dish, which I would love to see since I’m a big fan of the deviled egg. Lisa deems the idea “weak,” and dreads going to the grocery store because she want to revamp the whole thing. She has a good point in noting that it’d make a great hor d’ourve, but may not be enough as a whole first course. I can feel that. At this point, Dale and Lisa look like they’d like to cook each other – I feel the first knife fight coming on!
Off to Whole Foods! I guess the fifteen minute limit on menu deliberation isn’t being strictly enforced, as there are plenty of decisions being made at the market. Team Water decides to go with the fish, which they will poach in a water bath. Lisa on Team Fire openly admits that they have “no idea what we’re going to do for the dish.” They continue wandering around, presumably searching for inspiration.
God, I hate Spike. But, he does have a point in noting that if one chef has immunity, perhaps s/he should take “just slightly a backseat” in the planning of the menu. I can see his point there. But, he loses all points with me when he justifies abandoning his soup idea because “unless you’re gonna take two women and strangle them, there comes a time that you gotta, just, roll with it and try to do as best as you can.” Nice. If there is a woman out there who has ever slept with Spike, I’m sure his appearance on Top Chef is serving to compound what must have already been profound regret.
Team Earth is still struggling, but eventually Stephanie convinces Dale and Lisa that a spicy grilled shrimp fills the fire requirement… and they’re off! Dale seems like a pretty insignificant member of this team. The women actually interrupt and talk over him repeatedly, which he has no idea how to deal with. Meek Dale… who knew?
With their menus in place and groceries purchased, the chefs head off to the kitchen of an old Marshall Field’s building, where they’ll have two and a half hours to prepare and cook their dishes – eight servings of each.
Richard has taken on the role of Executive Chef for Team Water, and their sous vide poached wild salmon will be accompanied by a parsnip and vanilla puree, watercress and radish salad and finished off with tapioca. Sounds like a whole damn meal to me, but whatever.
Things actually look good for Team Fire – they’re slicing up their prawn shrimps and have a beautiful chili salad in the works. Lisa’s doing the bacon, and we’re treated to a pretty decent explanation of her technique – press the meat, and then overlay the bacon slices with the fatty side in the same direction all the way through. Apparently bacon will fuse together, allowing the chef to cut it in perfect strips. Too bad Ted Allen’s not in this episode, he might even turn straight for this woman. Plus, he’s my favorite guest judge.
Team Air is going with duck breast and herb salad, and I guess they’re not going to factor into the decision making much since they are barely getting any attention.
Colicchio makes his way through the kitchen, determining who is going to be responsible for each dish. Richard and Andrew try desperately to impress him with a few jokes, but it falls flat. Go figure. I certainly wouldn’t put “awesome sense of humor” at the top of the Good Things About Collichio list, but who knows – maybe he’s laughs on his own time.
Well, the ball has begun! We get a shot of the judges entering, and it occurs to me that Gail Simmons must hate having to stand anywhere near Padma. That woman looks better and better every season. Oh well, Gail can’t even hold her own when pictured with Colicchio, who was recently named on of People Magazine’s Sexiest Men Alive. REALLY? What point am I even trying to make here? None, I suppose, I’m just being catty because of how often Gail pisses me off in judging – unlike Ted, I think she is often unnecessarily harsh, but that’s just my opinion. Moving on!
With time running out, the chefs struggle to get their dishes finished and plated. Gasp! Andrew finds two scales on one of the fish fillets. Unfortunately, there isn’t much that can be done at this point as they have eighty fillets to plate and serve.
Sidenote – how in the hell much food are these diners supposed to eat? They’re going to sample four different first courses, and then pack in the three additional courses served up by the “Celebrity Chefs?” That’s just gluttonous. I’d be all over it.
Anyway, it’s soundng like Golden Boy Richard may be on the wrong side of the judgement table later on tonight… the plates go out, and sure enough guest judge Tsai rightfully complains that he “ended up with five scales in my mouth.” Gross.
Up next is Team Fire, and Padma deems their shrimp “amazing.” It’s a hit all around, and Colicchio agrees that “it’s fire.” Well done, Team Argument! Team Air isn’t crazy about their dish, but figure it’s “nowhere near the bottom.” Yea for low expectations! I should cook for Team Air.
Last out is Team Earth, whose dish doesn’t go over well with the judges. Colicchio thinks it’s bland, and sees no connection to air. Some random guest tells us that “if I was a judge on Top Chef, I’d be telling one of the Earth members that they’re going home tonight.” The woman next to her gasps (literally, gasps) and goes “Oh, ouch!” Burn! Be silent and fill out your comment card.
The only dish the judges can agree that they they really liked is from Team Fire, and Lisa’s bacon was a huge hit even without Ted being present. Back in the kitchen they burn their Fire sign “for good luck.” Okay.
As always, the evening ends with judgement. Team Fire takes the win, and there are hugs all around. It’s specifically asked who was responsible for the bacon, so things are looking really good for Lisa when it’s announced that the winner gets a trip to Italy. Now we’re talking! Guest judge Tsai bestows the prize upon Lisa, and Dale is clearly pissed. In an aside he complains that “she made bacon, and she gets a trip to Italy? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m bitter.”
Send out the losers! Earth and Water, Lisa’s looking at you! The judges barf all over both the dishes. Richard takes plenty of heat for leaving scales all over his fish, and the general cooking method doesn’t go over well either – Colicchio thinks it was mushy. But wait, there’s more! They also hated the parsnip being on the plate at all, and Mark takes the heat for that.
Moving on to Team Earth, whose dish Colicchio deems “bland from start to finish.” Zoi, in the bottom for the second week in a row, pipes up that she was responsible for the Rosemary and Thyme seasoning, and it turns out that’s the only thing the judges could taste – and they hated it. Zoi is rocking back and forth, rolling her eyes… she clearly thinks she’s too good to be here. Spike mentions that he wanted to do the soup, and Antonia admits that she was “totally against doing a soup for eighty people.” Padma points out that she has immunity, to which Antonia replies that immunity didn’t stop her from voicing her opinion. Spike testily agrees that it did not, and clearly blames the entire loss on Antonia.
Back in the hot room, Spike says he should have stuck behind his soup idea, but didn’t because he’s “too nice.” I guess those scenes were cut.
At the judge’s table, it’s really coming down to Team Earth. Colicchio would like to get rid of both Spike and Zoi since they didn’t stick up for themselves and make a soup, but whatever. They were behind what turned out to be a bad dish, get over it.
Let’s bring the condemned back in. Turns out the diners also rated Team Earth as the worst dish, and it’s time for Zoi to pack her knives and go. Their trip back into the hot room is actually quite touching, and Richard is wiping away tears as they enter. After a soft “See you guys later,” from Zoi, both Stephanie and Jennifer yell out “WHAT?” and rise to comfort the eliminated chef. She’s upset, but in an aside tells us that she’s glad to have been able to compete along with Jennifer.
Time for the end credits… but wait! We’ve got a FIGHT! Spike is yelling at Antonia that she should have taken a back seat in the planning, and tells everyone that she “refused” to make a soup. If only there were some record of the planning session – we could figure out who is telling the truth! Oh, wait… Antonia reminds Spike twice that “it’s on film,” but he’s an idiot and won’t acknowledge this fact. C’mon, let’s have a double knife packing! Jennifer jumps in, calling Spike out for being an asshole, and he responds by telling Jennifer to cry all night long about Zoi being gone. WHAT. AN. ASSHOLE.
Dale also jumped in to defend Antonia, and Lisa – all high off her win – tells him to stay out of it, that he’s only “making it worse.” Big mistake, and Dale flips out, yelling about how the one time he actually voices an opinion she has to “start shit.” Jennifer kicks a chair over, and the credits roll. I hope we get some further explanation next week, because this was a really weird way to close the episode.
Anyway, here’s my take – Antonia could have been a bit more graceful in the selection of their dish since she had the immunity, but the other chefs cannot blame her entirely for the outcome. They’re all adults, and Zoi took her elimination in a mature manner. Dale is just pissed because he lost out on the trip to Italy, which I actually think should have gone to Stephanie since she was most strongly responsible for the dish. Plus, she’s already won twice and never got a kick ass trip out of it. No fair, but I’m also being biased just because I like Stephanie. I need to take a lesson from Zoi and mature it up.
Oh well, Zoi had certainly irritated me in the past, but the way she conducted herself after having been eliminated was top notch. Jennifer also took the high road, immediately coming to the defense of another when she was clearly upset over her girlfriend’s elimination. I’d have kicked Spike right in the head, and yet Jennifer chose to take her frustration out on a simple folding chair. Way to go.
Stay strong, ladies. I don’t think Spike has much time left.